Subtracting from the Noise

I had every intention that this Blog would be my last.
Hence the title.
I was going to tell you that Wade's Top 100 will just have to stay in the notebooks and die with me. The Wayne Miller and Allister Jones projects would have to turn yellow with the pages they are written on as time take its toll.
The countless unfinished poems - would only be memories.
Any future Sunday morning messages would never be penned.
My ravenous desire to share my jabber with you would just have to fall away.
The other ideas in my head would either just stay there or be forgotten.
Lying awake in the middle of the night waiting on call backs from broken down trucks and trying to get in touch with mechanics has a way of taxing the body and the mind.
It is no different from when one can not go back to sleep. o different except the unending stress from late deliveries and pissed off customers.
So lying on my sofa this morning I simply had enough. I had enough of all of the unfinished crap in my head and in my notebooks. Thinking if I didn't have to figure out the mess, I could concentrate and maybe, just maybe finish something.
It is easy to have self pity and borderline depression in the quiet dead of night.
It is easy to shed the tears nobody will ever see.
It easy to curse (not necessarily the "foul mouth" type - sometimes you have to read into it) and look up at the sky and shake the head.
Talk about an uninspiring moment.
So I am so busy at work, I hardly have time to go to the bathroom, much less doing what I am doing now (the blog), but I wanted to get on here and say Adios. See Ya!. Bye Bye.
But, something grabbed me as I typed the title. What the heck I say?
Is the it the God I all but ignored this morning?
Is it some more self pity thinking "Hey some people might actually read this junk."
Or is it some of the depression wearing down and wearing out and moving out of the way of the good feelings.
I saw two depression medication commercials last night. Those make you more depressed.
Is the prospect of going to a profession (not a job per say - a profession) that I truly despise hindering my attitude.
OR IS IT JUST ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
All I want to do right now is go sit on the levee and watch the boats on the river ans sing the Violent Femmes "Good Feelings won't you stay with me just a little longer."
I am feeling good right now because I am temporarily ignoring the chaos of the day.
But - ignore no more. I have to get back to it. The job.
So, hopefully the writing feelings stays and one day I actually finish something and write something decent on here.....or we might just go back to simple subtraction.